Archives for category: Maturity

Success is not measured┬áby the amount of material wealth you’ve accumulated; it is measured by the valuable lessons you’ve learned.

Joy,

Cheryl

Mountain View of Lake Tahoe

Mountain View at Lake Tahoe

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2015-04-25 14.13.25

Sometimes, flying alone is the key.

Have you ever been asked to do something that just didn’t feel right? Giving into peer pressure can hurt your sense of self awareness and self-respect. In these types of instances, some people will try to convince you to do something you would not necessarily do on your own accord. The suggested task makes you feel some sort of way that may or may not be immediately explained. Whatever it is that is asked of you usually comes from someone else’s agenda. And it might not be a positive agenda at that. The task or event might be something they were pressured into and don’t want to go it alone. For your own sake, don’t do it. The pressure you feel is precisely why they call it Peer Pressure.

Now, you may be tempted at first, especially if approached by a friend, but don’t give in. Chances are, those who ask you to do something against your nature are only involved in themselves and their own reasons (self-centered). And for that, they will not miss you if you decide not to go ahead with their wishes. Remember, you never have to give in to any situation in which you do not feel comfortable. In the future, you may have to re-evaluate your friends.

It is when you break free from giving into the pressures of others is when you have reached the threshold of maturity and integrity. You are becoming your true self.

Joy,

Cheryl

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Waiting Wastes Time

In Speaking of Change, we discussed fears and contemplated reasons we may make to stay stagnant in our lives rather than move forward.

I hope that this note may help confront one of the many, but powerful reasons not to embrace our inner changes – feeling as if we need permission to do the task, take the job, move out of state, lose the weight, start a new business, earn another degree, or live the life we desire.

Ask yourself these questions.
Am I my own entity? Do I depend on another’s lungs to help me breathe? Am I capable of thinking for myself?

Surely, as a living, breathing person, you desire to do things that not everyone else around you wants to do. Say this to yourself: “I am unique.” Embrace your autonomy. You’re the master of you.

To require another’s permission to eat, breathe, sleep, laugh, relax, or play is silly. How you do things is strictly up to you. Take this notion into other areas of your life. As simply as it is to be yourself, it is just as simple to make changes in your habits, or create changes in your life. Of course, if you desire any major change, such as breaking poor habits, consult a step by step program that is well designed and has a proven success rate. My aim is to inspire you to muster up your inner spirit to move forward with positive changes without feeling like you need approval from anyone. You don’t. Those fires that wake you up at night are your own inspirations. Listen to them. Do you ache for a better quality of life? You have what it takes within you.

Let me note a strange phenomenon that sometimes occurs in the psyche. After we grow up, into adulthood, we forget that we are adults, equipped to decide what is best for ourselves. That’s left for those major decision makers, we say. Nonsense. We are no longer children. Who else but you knows the best path? As long as we remain aware of our true selves and our surroundings, we can make the best decisions. What do I mean by our true selves? Remember, my suggestion is that our true self is the one that wakes us up in the middle of the night. It’s the voice that you attempt to muffle because you know it speaks the truth about your circumstances. It’s the voice that would have you do something you’d rather not listen to because it would invoke change. It’s clear. We’re lazy. But we can do what are deepest desires require. Change.

Resist the urge to wait for anyone’s permission for us to live the lives we ought to be living.

Samuel Beckett’s ‘Waiting for Godot’ 1953 is a classic, absurdist, two-scene play, now on Broadway depicting two men under the impression to wait in one place for a man named Godot who never arrives. Does your life feel like this? Do you wait in one place, one circumstance, for something to happen? Read the script:

waiting for Godot part i

waiting for Godot – part ii

Dear one, you’re the one who is to make your life happen.

Ah, so you think you have all kinds of time, do you? You haven’t read the play.

Read the last in this series:
No, You Don’t Have Time

Joy,
Cheryl

A few years ago, I learned a valuable virtue from my dog.
Yes, I’ve heard of all the wonderful praises dogs receive from their owners, etc. We can learn patience from them simply because they’re patient with us. Dogs don’t criticize, nor do they judge us. Probably the best quality they have is the ability to love us just the way we are, despite how we see ourselves. Many jokes are shared across the Internet describing this very sentiment:
Don’t you wish you were as great as your dog thinks you are? – Honestly, you are probably pretty great, but you may not accept yourself for who you are. Self-help books aim to help us accept the way we look or behave so we can improve. They may also help to accept the reality of certain situations, especially those which are negative or undesirable. In the process of doing so we find a healthier outlook and hopefully happiness rather than trying to resist or change things.

The common definition for acceptance would be to receive that which has been given to us.

We can look at it as accepting a gift from another: a common event, yes. And very simple. But if poor vision, the loss of a loved one, giftedness, or riches prevail in your life, you must accept that reality, good or not good. And, of course, pleasant things are the easiest to accept.

To be truly accepting is to accept another’s personality traits as you would your own.

With all the different temperaments people possess, it’s often difficult to get along with those we find abrasive.

This is precisely where my metaphor comes in handy to help us realize people have their own bents and habits just like we do.

One day while playing catch with my dog, she stopped to do what dogs sometimes do. She had been running around off the leash somewhere in the acres of land in the back property. Usually she picked up on the scent of something dead and rolled in it, probably so she’d go undetected while she hunted unsuspecting prey. Other times she’d eat the dead, partially eaten animals left in the field by coyotes. At least three times that I can remember, she was skunked because she just couldn’t leave those fluffy waddling skunks alone. She also would run through the house with muddy paws if I wasn’t fast enough to catch her first.
This particular day, to my dismay, she began to cough and throw up some slimy, disgusting particles she obviously could not digest. The worst part is when she proceeds to lick it back up.
If I weren’t there to stop her, she would do just as she pleased like any other time I wasn’t present. Who am I to change her nature?

Now, while this is graphic to an extent, it’s important to understand my metaphor for what it is. I’m not saying people are this disgusting in their behaviors. Not at all. But the next time your spouse doesn’t put the seat down, forgets to put the toothpaste cap back on, or something else despite how often a request has been made, think of this:

I was so grossed out by my dog’s behavior, I caught myself telling her to stop doing what she does. Basically, I yelled at her for being a dog.
What? Yes. I did. Ha ha. Like that would stop her. She was a dog after all.

You see, I cannot stop her for being what she is as much as you can’t stop people for being who they are by nature. Acceptance is a virtue because it allows us to see people as they are and receive any oddities they possess as favorable and thus approve of those oddities. Just because others do things we would not do, doesn’t mean we need to change them. The only person you can change is you. Practice approving others. You may find a core trait that at first seemed odd, but in fact is the trait that makes that person unique.

As far as my pooch goes, now that she’s gone, among other awesome things I miss about her, I also miss the muddy paw prints she’d leave on the carpeting: a sign of life and vibrance.

Joy,
Cheryl